For HERHorus Eye

More Than A “Wife Material”

A female of black descent with medium length dark hair wearing light green shirt under a pink apron holds on to a white pot in her left hand and a wooden spatula in her right as she cooks her favorite dish using a white stove

As I was grinding pepper with the hand grinder today, I remembered when I was in 300level. A friend told me that one of her friends had moved to Lagos and he had given her the keys to his house as his family had moved abroad too. He told her she could chill there whenever. She invited me to join her as she didn’t want to stay alone

It was on this note I decided not to take hostel space and I went ahead to stay with my friend. The house was pretty decent. We settled right in. 

Being who I am with my OC no D (I hope), I cleaned on a regular and cooked every single day..

I cooked for my friends, my roommate and anyone that likes to eat. It was something I simply just enjoyed. It was so bad that my friend, I mean the one that invited me to stay with her (let’s call her Nonye), told everyone I was the cause of her adding weight. 😂😂

My guys in school will come over to just eat. I was their dinner plug. I remember Ebuka rushing down to the house in 2mins (a trip that would take an average man 5mins 😂). Food is powerful 

Anyway, one day, the owner of the house, yes the guy that gave us his keys came back home. He never told us he was coming. I mean I know it’s his house but he could have said something (abi was he not supposed to?)

So I was cleaning when he came. He knew I was around. Nonye told him I was staying with her. Let’s call him Ose. 

Ose waltz in, we exchanged pleasantries. To be honest, I really do not remember his face. Each time I try, I only recall a very large head with the most condescending grin. 

I was cooking and cleaning when he arrived. I was making yam and egg sauce. The extra I was making was not suppose to be for him but since he was around, and he just came from a long trip, why not?

At night that day I had the most shocking conversations of my life. And I must say it is absolutely shocking that this school of thought hunts every girl till today.

I hate that even while telling this story, I still want to explain myself with “it really wasn’t what he was thinking”. That’s how twisted the world is.

So!!! I wanted to be friendly and I went to the living room to ask this guy how his trip was and how life in Lagos was (oh ya, I was a student of the university of Benin. I had never been to Lagos at that time). Nonye wasn’t even reasoning this guy. I probably should have done same. I just felt, he gave us his place, the least we could do is try to gist with him and not leave him alone till he sleeps. But Nonye was pissed because her boyfriend was suppose to sleep over and Ose just came unannounced (you know how that kind thing be na 😂)

Anyway, I took it upon myself to go and greet oga. The conversation started interesting (for him sha cos Lord Jesus I was bored). I kept smiling and nodding. I really cannot remember half of what he said. 

Next thing I know he laughs and places his hands on my laps. That quickly caught my attention. I moved my legs from the now uncomfortable position. I noticed the tattoo on his arms and changed topic instantly from whatever he was laughing about. 

I asked him about the tats. He showed it to me. It was a tattoo of his mother’s face. It was cute. Next thing he tells me he has others. He said he has one close to his crotch and asked if I would like to see that… “Ok what’s going on here?” I asked. 

I told him I noticed his hands passing my thighs but I just didn’t say anything. This guy actually told me I shouldn’t pretend like I didn’t want him to notice me

Apparently me cleaning and cooking and coming to have a conversation with him gave him all the “signals” that I wanted him

He said that I was being “wife-ish” because he was around. He said he never asked for food or his bed to be made or for a conversation but I gave it all to him

According to him he knew I liked him and was trying to “show that I was a good girl”. Till this moment words fail me. 

Is this how my other male friends feel when I cook for them? Do they think I am trying to paint myself as a “wife material”. I honestly have to have an explanation for loving cooking and cleaning? I felt terrible. I walked out angrily after telling him he needs to get over himself.

I told Nonye and she laughed at me. Said “shey you see now. That’s why I stayed on my own and you went to talk to him” So really, was I at fault here?

The next day Nonye said she was going to her boyfriend’s. This guy still came to ask me if I planned this so we could be alone. 

That was my cue. I left with Nonye and stayed with friends inside school

This guy and his entitlement will not see that it was just a girl being nice.

It’s not just him. There are many others. I had a guy I dated once. He thought me staying over and cleaning and cooking was me trying to force commitment down his throat. I wasn’t even into him like that!!! But that’s a story for another time 

It is painful that someone is reading this and still saying I am at fault. It is more sad that a girl constantly needs to explain herself for being nice or simply just being herself. 

I am definitely more than my hobbies. I am more than a wife material. If truly these are the things a man looks out for in a woman in other to call her “wife”, like its some kind of privilege to us then I’m good.

I said I was grinding pepper when I recalled this event. I was cooking again for a friend and me. It’s what I do. I love it. It relaxes me and gives me joy to see someone eat my meal and enjoy it. But now I am thinking, could he also be thinking I am doing this to look like a wife material?

Its sad and partly funny if I am being honest.

I cannot change who I am though and I will not be sorry for it.

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